Yesterday I had a friend call me and ask about anxiety attacks.  She thought that she might be having one.  There is only one word to describe them..SCARY! I don't know if she was comforted by what I told her or not but I was able to let her know that she is not the only one and that I could sympathize. 

I have had anxiety/panic attacks off and on for over 14 years.  At its height it was debilitating.  I had been through all types of medical tests only to find out that the racing heart rate and the skipped beats and the inability to breathe was all from the overwhelming amount of stress that I had but did not necessarily feel. After many years of enduring this pain and then lots of counseling (more recently) I have learned that I hold on to everything.  I internalize and take responsibility for things that are not mine to be responsible for.  I did not truly trust in the Lord to take care of it all for me.


I find it funny that others think that I am so transparent.  I am in some ways, I guess, but in others I am not.  Only 3 people (besides my husband) know what I am going through now.  So as I sat down at my computer yesterday, to play on facebook, I was taken aback when my arms went numb and my hands began to tingle.  My heart raced and my breath was short.  I felt the room closing in.  All I could do was type, "so overwhelmed my hands are tingling. I do not like this feeling. fighting back a panic attack. prayers welcome." 


Thank you to those that read those words of desperation.  I knew that I could not pray for myself in that moment.  I felt your prayers. What did happen is that the song that goes, "I will cast all my cares upon you. I'll lay all of my burdens down at your feet, and anytime I don't know what to do; I will cast all my cares upon you." Came to my head. I sang it and cried.  I felt better. 


Is my life all hunky-dory now? No. But I am just trying to remain focused on the Lord in this time.  He has a plan and like a dear friend said, "He is not surprised. He has already gone through it before me". Those words are more encouraging than you will ever know, dear friend.