Grace

I have posted on my other blog about my struggle with depression.  It is something that I have had for a while but was in denial that it was in fact depression.  There is such a stigma with that word.  Anyway I went to counseling for several months for this.  I learned things about myself that were good and things that were bad.  I learned about boundaries and I learned about getting out of the pit of depression.

Truth be told this was not an easy process and although I feel as though the Lord has delivered me from these things, my flesh still fails.  Recently I have found myself cloistering away in my bedroom, wanting to be alone and away from my children.  It is hard because I have seen a change in them since this has started again.

Yesterday I laid in bed and I just started praying.  Jackson was struggling with school work and I was beyond frustrated.  The last time he came to me I yelled so loudly that after he left I burst into tears.  I cried out to God.

What had I done?

What was wrong with me?

How could I fix it?

And then He answered me. Just one word.

"Grace." 

I wasn't giving any.  I fully expect it from my Heavenly Father but I refused to give it to my own child.  This made me weep even more.  I got up and went to Jackson.  He was curled up in a ball on the couch.  His spirit broken.  I sat down with him and apologized.  I explained that I should have given him grace and I didn't.  At first he didn't want to but we sat together and worked on his math.  It took about an hour but he got it done. He had to do the work. I was just there to help him get through it.

After it was all done I realized that if I wanted help from the Lord to get out of the pit that I have eased myself back into; I must first make the choice to get out and then I have to work at it.  He will give me grace.  He will sit next to me and help me with the problems.


I love (and hate sometimes) how the Lord uses our kids to show us, His kid, what we look like to Him!




Christi

Greatness

I am in a Summer Book Study at our church.  We are reading Raising Kids for True Greatness by Tim Kimmel.  This week I was assigned 2 chapters to read.  I woke up quite early to a crying child and so I figured what better a time than now?

Dr. Kimmel has you look at the difference between success and greatness in the first two chapters.  Success is something that you achieve while on Earth and people commend.  Greatness is something that God commends.

I have to back track a moment because I want to tell you about my friend.  She is adopting from Eastern Europe and she is getting 3 special needs kids.  They all have problems related to their conditions but what makes it all worse is that the problems they have because of the way they were treated in the orphanage are far worse.

I have struggled with this new insight.  I have struggled with why it is allowed to happen.  I struggle with the audacity of people that feel it is okay to treat others the way they have. One friend argued that some just don't know better.  I am sorry but I can't accept that.  I just can't. Somewhere deep down SOMEONE has to know that it is not right.

So as I have prayed I have asked God what I am supposed to do with this knowledge. These are the two things I am hearing; keep praying and He can and will restore all.

So as I read today about raising my children and wanting them to be successful or great I came across a sentence in the book that stuck out to me; "Truly great people would never want to escape from their responsibility to the greater good of the human race.".

That my friends is what I want for my children.  I want them to step up to the plate like my friend is.  I want them to feel the overwhelming burden to pray for "the least of these".

     For I was hungry and you gave Me food, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you brought Me together with yourselves and welcomed and entertained and lodged Me,    I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you visited Me with help and ministering care, I was in prison and you came to see Me.
    Then the just and upright will answer Him, Lord, when did we see You hungry and gave You food, or thirsty and gave You something to drink?
    And when did we see You a stranger and welcomed and entertained You, or naked and clothed You?
    And when did we see You sick or in prison and came to visit You?
    And the King will reply to them, Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least  in the estimation of men] of these My brethren, you did it for Me.
    Then He will say to those at His left hand, Begone from Me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels!
   For I was hungry and you gave Me no food, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink,
    I was a stranger and you did not welcome Me and entertain Me, I was naked and you did not clothe Me, I was sick and in prison and you did not visit Me with help and ministering care.
   Then they also [in their turn] will answer, Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?
    And He will reply to them, Solemnly I declare to you, in so far as you failed to do it for the least in the estimation of men] of these, you failed to do it for Me.
    Then they will go away into eternal punishment, but those who are just and upright and in right standing with God into eternal life. Matthew 25:35-46 (Amplified)

Christi

My First Post!

I am taking a leap of faith here by setting up this blog.  I feel as though this is the right thing to do but I am afraid that others will not read it if they know this is a blog about my journey with the Lord.  I know it sounds ridiculous but that is just the way I am feeling as I type these words. 

I named this blog "Being Still" because that is what the Lord has been showing me over the last year or so.  I can't do anything in His will if I am not still first.  I must be still to hear His words.  It is a hard thing to do.  I hope to document lots of cool things on this particular blog.  Those of you that know me, know He has already done mighty works in my life!

So here it goes....

Christi