I shall not want......

As I have mentioned before, this has been a hard season. I have had difficulty being joyful about the birth of my Savior. I have felt overwhelmed by circumstances and have allowed myself to "go there".  If you know me then you know that is never good!

One reason I have struggled is because we are still struggling!  I assumed that once we were obedient (moved to DFW) that God would immediately "bless us" with a great job and financial stability. That is not what happened.  Instead we showed up to Ft. Worth with a job that no longer existed and a string of interviews that did not go anywhere.  I admit that both Troy and I were upset with this.  We have had to rely on my parents to help fill in the gaps.  My parents DO NOT have that kind of money. But somehow we have all made it through.

Somehow...Ha!  Am I new? I know how, I have just not wanted to look at the provision that God has given, because it's not how I would have done it!

So yesterday the kids and I sat down to work on our lessons.  The verse was Psalm 23:1, "The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want." As we went over the verse in detail and talked about the significance of the Shepherd and how He cares for His entire flock. Each of them. No matter what. I realized that God was taking care of Troy and I.  He has overly and abundantly provided for all 7 of us since the second my brood crossed the threshold of my parents home. There has not been one meal missed, one bill missed or one need left unattended. God has shown me a different way of providing for us.  It has been extremely humbling but I am ever-so grateful.

A week ago I posted a status update on Facebook that read, "I am a witness and I will TESTIFY that God provides". And He does.  He has called upon His servants to give and they have obediently and sacrificially gave to our family. And the gifts keep coming.  I amazed and in awe of Him.

I do not know when Troy will go back to work. I hope it is soon. It would be nice to get a paycheck! But I am waiting patiently on my Lord to show us the way. As Scripture promises, in this season, "I shall not want".

'Tis the Season

This Christmas season I have had a hard time getting into the "Christmas spirit". I think there are a couple of reasons; the biggest one being that we have not shopped at all. This has made me a bit grumpy and in all honesty, I have not looked forward to anything that has to do with Christmas. 

On Thursday, my Mimi died.  She was sick for many years and finally drew her last breath last week. That night I had to run some errands.  Jolly Christmas music played on the radio and I felt resentment well up in me. Resentment that we are in a tough season, resentment that my grandmother suffered for so long, resentment that life was not going the way I wanted.

And then it hit me....like a ton of bricks.

Oh come, Oh come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

Oh come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Thy people with Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

Oh come, Thou rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'ver the grave

Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!
Rejoice, Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, Oh Israel!

Emmanuel- "God is with us". The Reason for Christmas. With out Him where would I be? I would be in lost world without grace, peace or Spirit. I would be hopeless in my own circumstances.  I realized that I have felt hopeless over these last few weeks but that is not because of God but because of me! I have looked to my own abilities and I have suffered because of it.

When people would ask how to pray for Mimi I would tell them to "pray she finds Jesus". That is what I wanted for her more than any physical healing or physical peace I wanted her to have spiritual healing and peace.  I am not sure if she found that. I know that the last several months of her life people were able to minister to her and she asked for her Bible.  I know that when she prayed a simple prayer for my father it was answered and she was so excited that she had "witnessed a miracle".  I believe that God gives everyone a chance to turn to Him.  Why wouldn't He? He sent His precious Son, Emmanuel, to ransom our souls! 

I will miss you, Mimi, but hold onto the Hope of the Lord that I will see you again in Glory.