How deep are the roots?

The last few months have been a roller coaster.  I have battled with an oppressive feeling.  I finally decided to take the advice of my counselor (in Katy) and ask my doctor for a little help with medication.  I know that some may find this controversial and to be honest it has taken me a while to get to the point that I was able to see that I needed something more.

*While I know that God could and will totally deliver me from this, I also know that He has also provided other ways to help.  That includes counseling, medication and other forms of therapy.

So, I started taking an SSRI. This is to help raise the serotonin levels in my brain.  It is not a long term solution but my doctor feels like I may only have to take it for about 6 months. There is other work that needs to be done.  I knew this but didn't fully get it until about 3 weeks ago.

I was doing great. Actually, I had never felt so good.  I was happy. But then something happened.  I started feeling down. I started secluding myself again. I felt empty. Meanwhile I continued to live the way I wanted. I started feeling distant from God. I knew I needed to pray but I didn't want to. I needed to read His Word, but I was over it. I needed to go to church but the thought of being in a room full of Christians made me cringe.

I realized I was in trouble and I finally went to a friend that I could confide in.  She was extremely helpful and encouraging. She told me that I wasn't crazy but that I needed to take baby steps in getting back into it. I realized that by taking the medication I was able to have a more clear head. With that clearer head I was able to see what was going on around me....and that made me mad. Mad at God. My life does not look like I ever thought it would.

But I couldn't take it to Him. Why? I started a devotional our church has put out. As I read it I realized that my sin was keeping me from talking to Him. I couldn't even tell Him I was mad because I was living a life that was disobedient to His Word and to what He had already convicted me of.  The biggest thing was what I was allowing to enter my mind.  I was putting in junk (TV, movies, music) and as a result junk was coming out.

Through prayer and fasting I was able to go to Him. I was able to repent. And you know what? He met me! Right where I was. He met me there. I immediately felt relief.

Today as I was working in the garden outside I was pulling weeds.  I came across a weed that had roots deeper than any of the other plants. They were so deep that it took a shovel to remove them. It took me almost 10 minutes to remove one weed! God showed me in that moment that sin is like a weed. If not taken care of immediately its roots will dig deep.  They will become apart of the garden, they will be hard to remove.

I am not 100% better, but just repenting has made me feel a lot better.  I still have a lot of work to do. But I know that over time I will get there. 

2013 Part 1

The last week or so I have been really trying to listen to the Lord and hear what He has for me this new year.  The two words that keep coming to mind are Responsibility and Accountability. I have way more to expand on those two things but today, I am going to start with Accountability.

One of these aspects is reading my Bible and memorizing Scripture.  I have been teaching memory verses to my kids this year and it has been great for me too!  The Holy Spirit laid James 1:19 on my heart for my first verse of the year. It is " This we know brethren, be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" (NASB)

There is a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. I am a wife, mother, daughter, teacher, care giver, and the list goes on and on.  I have found myself, as of late, having a very short fuse. I am easily irritated and I can see my poor attitude spill over into the lives of those closest to me.  Even as I type this my children are fighting with each other and it all boils down to someone is being impatient with the other. 

I plan to meditate on this verse in the morning and hope that the Holy Spirit will use it to remind me as my day goes on.