How deep are the roots?

The last few months have been a roller coaster.  I have battled with an oppressive feeling.  I finally decided to take the advice of my counselor (in Katy) and ask my doctor for a little help with medication.  I know that some may find this controversial and to be honest it has taken me a while to get to the point that I was able to see that I needed something more.

*While I know that God could and will totally deliver me from this, I also know that He has also provided other ways to help.  That includes counseling, medication and other forms of therapy.

So, I started taking an SSRI. This is to help raise the serotonin levels in my brain.  It is not a long term solution but my doctor feels like I may only have to take it for about 6 months. There is other work that needs to be done.  I knew this but didn't fully get it until about 3 weeks ago.

I was doing great. Actually, I had never felt so good.  I was happy. But then something happened.  I started feeling down. I started secluding myself again. I felt empty. Meanwhile I continued to live the way I wanted. I started feeling distant from God. I knew I needed to pray but I didn't want to. I needed to read His Word, but I was over it. I needed to go to church but the thought of being in a room full of Christians made me cringe.

I realized I was in trouble and I finally went to a friend that I could confide in.  She was extremely helpful and encouraging. She told me that I wasn't crazy but that I needed to take baby steps in getting back into it. I realized that by taking the medication I was able to have a more clear head. With that clearer head I was able to see what was going on around me....and that made me mad. Mad at God. My life does not look like I ever thought it would.

But I couldn't take it to Him. Why? I started a devotional our church has put out. As I read it I realized that my sin was keeping me from talking to Him. I couldn't even tell Him I was mad because I was living a life that was disobedient to His Word and to what He had already convicted me of.  The biggest thing was what I was allowing to enter my mind.  I was putting in junk (TV, movies, music) and as a result junk was coming out.

Through prayer and fasting I was able to go to Him. I was able to repent. And you know what? He met me! Right where I was. He met me there. I immediately felt relief.

Today as I was working in the garden outside I was pulling weeds.  I came across a weed that had roots deeper than any of the other plants. They were so deep that it took a shovel to remove them. It took me almost 10 minutes to remove one weed! God showed me in that moment that sin is like a weed. If not taken care of immediately its roots will dig deep.  They will become apart of the garden, they will be hard to remove.

I am not 100% better, but just repenting has made me feel a lot better.  I still have a lot of work to do. But I know that over time I will get there.