On Expectation

It has been a while and I really have not wanted or have even thought about blogging. The last several days I have had a post going through my head and as I cut pineapple in preparation for a birthday party this weekend the words were swirling. I can only imagine that it means I should post something!

I only blog about what the Lord is doing in me. Not what He is doing in others. I share my story (on here, in person, or on social media) because I believe that we are called to share our victories and struggles with one another so that we can be encouraged by each other.

The last 22 months I have been in a strange place. Strange because it is someone's home (not mine). Strange because I have become a caretaker for my father. Strange because my entire family dynamic has changed! Cram 7 people, 2 different families, in the 1500 square feet and see how strange it feels. Strange because my walk with God has drastically changed!

I came here with expectations. Several of them! Here is a short list (from a very long one).

1. An awesome, high-paying job for Troy
2. A church EXACTLY like my home church in Katy.
3. Best friends that mirrored the relationships I left. 
4. Financial Freedom.
5. Life without worry.

Here is what I got.

1. A mediocre job for Troy.
2. A church that was completely different. 
3. Friends that love our family!
4. More debt.
5. Worry.

Not all of my expectations were met. Some where but, in all actuality, I could complain about every single one of them. Even number 3! Why? you ask? Because what I wanted is NOT what I got.  Through the last 22 months when I have felt disappointment the Lord has whispered, "When you put expectations on people and situations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment".  This happened time and time again. Slowly, I began to realize that what I wanted was NOT what God wanted for me! Through several teachings, Scriptures, and even studies I started to realize that what He wanted was for my complete trust in Him. Not the I'm going through a hard time so I will trust Him for a little bit type of trust. But the kind where I literally hand it over and NEVER take it back!

We are currently in a hard place because Troy is going through some medical issues that keep him from working. He will lose his job tomorrow if he doesn't go back and he can't. He has not worked for 7 weeks and has not received pay for 5 of those weeks. When this all happened, I was scared. And then I a verse came to me; "Do not fear, stand by and see the salvation of the Lord...the Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still." Exodus 14:13. I knew that because God loves me He gave me that verse right in my moment of need! Now if you have known me for any amount of time you know my stories of provision...He has provided. It has been manna from heaven and I am thankful.

I have started looking at my days differently. Life is not all roses. There are tough times happening all around me. But I remember that I am not in control. I cannot manipulate any situation to fix the problems in my life or in others. But what I do see and know is that God is in control! He has ordained each day and His mercies are new every morning. I cannot worry about things I know nothing about. I choose to be happy with what I am given.

The Lord promised Troy and I that we would not have to worry about food any more. It would be like the 'fishes and loaves' (and it has) but the other day I started to feel anxious about a sale that I may miss out on. As my anxiety about cheap chicken started to escalate I started worrying about our financial situation. I worried about Troy's job (for the first time in 7 weeks), I worried about not having insurance, I worried about the kids, I worried about food, I worried. The Lord is good and He corrected me quickly. He reminded me of His promise and He reminded me that I had already given that ALL over to Him! I was not to take it back. I immediately repented. I was able to get that sale and cheap chicken but even better....I did it with a gift card that was brought to my house. If I had not waited, if I had gone out on my own because of the fear I felt, I would have missed it. I would have missed the blessing:the gift from a Father that loves His children oh so much.

I hope my friends are encouraged! I hope you read the whole LONG post! Love you friends!

Remember to be still and wait for the Lord!