Day 1 of "7" was hard! Hard only because I just wanted STARCH! Anything. As long as it was covered in salt! I made it to dinner and right before we sat down I secretly grabbed a handful of potato chips and ate them alone.
By myself.
Without interruption.
This is my problem! I like to eat just as much as the next big girl. But I really like to eat when no one is watching. It is hard to do when you have 3 kids. I find my self starting the washer so that the kids can't hear the rustling bag in the kitchen. I go through the drive-thru and shove it all down in the 3 minutes it takes to get home so that no one knows what I have done. It is a sickness.
I have read books, dieted, and even prayed that I would be skinny. The truth is, only I can control this food addiction. (Insert awkward Kum-by-ya (sp?) circle and introductions). I am a food addict. I live to eat...not eat to live. I have always done it. Even when I was a teenager and weighed 100 lbs less than I do now. My metabolism has finally caught up to me and now you all know I have a problem I can't hide it anymore. My physical being is reflecting my inner being.
As soon as something does not go my way or I feel the least bit stressed I turn to the one that will never let me down. Food. The thing is food is not satisfying. It never fills that void. It fills my stomach and almost always gives me chronic GERD. I am abusing my body, the one thing that keeps me here on Earth. So I do it in private so the rest of you don't know I do it.
Who am I fooling? No one.
My accountability partner in all of this was very disappointed when I told her about my slip. She is worried I won't last. To be honest, I am worried too. Yesterday I said I would rely on my Comforter instead of food but today I am not so sure. I guess letting everyone know that I am a food abuser is a good start.
Food Abuser. That is what it is really. I can say addict, but really I am abusing food and my body. Plain and simple.
So there it is. Wow, I can't believe I just put that out there!
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1 comment:
Christi, I love you and I love how you are completely honest! That is the first step... Oh and I will not let you give up because that is way to easy and Satan is ready and excited for you to give up. I am praying for you today. Praying the Lord will be your stronghold and not food. Praying He will stand by you as you fight this battle and that you will know without a doubt He is there.
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