Finding Bottom

Wow!  That is all I can say.  It has been months since I have posted and so much has happened.  I struggle to know if I should share the events one-by-one or just give you glimpses.  Too be honest there are so many things that I may bore you with a 10 page post.

This blog was set up as a way for me to share the journey of my faith-walk.  I think I will just start there.

We have been struggling financially and I have really tried hard to change that.  I have worked countless hours, I have fought with my husband to look for another job, I have sold items in my home, I have looked for another home, I have manipulated, I have even resorted to asking the government for help.  It has been utterly exhausting.  The burden is heavy.  I cannot continue to carry it any longer.

A dear friend of mine told me that I was going to have to hit bottom before I would be able to give all of that up.  Really hand it over to God.  So many times we say that we are giving something to the Lord and we take it back. We don't trust Him.  We think that He can't do it or that we can do it better.

"Just let me handle this" we say.

So for the last year this is what I have done.  I have given it over and I have taken it back.  God isn't fast enough for me.  Just tell me the plan. He is taking too long.  I know what is best!!!

The Lord loves me and He is slow to anger, I know because His Word says so.  Instead of striking me down He began to make life uncomfortable.  He began to take away things that I cherish most.  He changed relationships that I cherished.  He took away more and more income.  Finally, He took away my home.  The last thing on the list.  He took it.

I have found the bottom.  I cannot go any lower.  The weight of all of those things is so heavy that I may just break...wait...I am broken.

The Lord is strong, He is wise and He is good.  He broke me and immediately gave me a hand.  He met me where I was.  He said, "you may not have trusted Me, but I still love you". He showed me that I had been looking to others for answers and not Him.  I had been looking to others to help me and support me and not Him. All the while He was there. He was waiting with open arms.  Ready to take the load off of my shoulders and carry the burden for me.

I have literally cried for two days.  There are many reasons.  One: I am so overwhelmed by the graciousness of my father. Two: life is still happening and now I know that I really can't control it! Three: There is a big chapter in my life that I know is coming to a close.  This saddens me.  I will admit I am resistant to change!

In a nutshell that is it!  I know there is more that I can say but that is what I feel led to share today! Hope you all will find some encouragement in this today.