I would like to say that my quiet time is spent in the early morning hours with me in the prostrate position crying out to the Lord. This season of my life it is not! At this time in my life my quiet time is spent in the shower. Where I am actually LEFT ALONE! So this morning as I was getting ready for church, I jumped in the shower and immediately went into prayer mode.
The Holy Spirit prompted me with some specific prayer points and then I began to pray about a big decision I need to make in the upcoming semester. I have been praying about it. But this morning I realized that I wasn't praying for an answer. I was basically telling God what I wanted him to do. No wonder he has been silent! So this morning I started out like I always do and then I started telling him the reasons why I needed him to answer a certain way. Why I needed him to say no to one way and yes to another. It all boils down to it is an inconvenience to me if I do this the way others want me to.
My conversation with him sounded a little like this. "I don't really want to do it that way because it is too much trouble. If I do it that way then I have to actually be committed 100% and I really don't want to do that. Plus I will be making a huge sacrifice and I don't know if I can stay committed." Yeah, it went like that! Pretty bold and stupid. But luckily my Father is gracious and he scolded me ever so gently. Immediately my soul was convicted by that conversation. I knew that God does not call me to do things in MY comfort level. He calls me to do things that are beyond my comfort level. So that it is a true sacrifice to Him.
A few of my friends are reading a book that is changing their lives. I have not started it yet but I think that tomorrow I will be headed out to Lifeway to get it. In the mean time I am getting to hear some of their revelations.
One was that God wants us to be so committed to him and to love him so much that the love we have for our parents looks like hate. He wants our lives to be permeated with him and his truths so much that we reflect him in our lives on a second by second basis. After hearing these words from my friend I have been meditating on that. I have been asking the Lord to show me how I could do that. It is so counter-cultural. I think that this morning he showed me one way. He has pointed me in a direction that I wanted to go just not the way I wanted to do it. I don't want to be thrown into the belly of a whale so I am going to go where he wants me to go. I am going to do what he wants me to do. No matter how uncomfortable it is for me.
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