Oh ye of little faith........

²⁹ Jesus left there and went along the Sea of Galilee. Then he went up on a mountainside and sat down. ³⁰ Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them. ³¹ The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel.

³² Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.”

³³ His disciples answered, “Where could we get enough bread in this remote place to feed such a crowd?”

³⁴ “How many loaves do you have?” Jesus asked.

“Seven,” they replied, “and a few small fish.”

³⁵ He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. ³⁶ Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. ³⁷ They all ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. ³⁸ The number of those who ate was four thousand men, besides women and children. ³⁹ After Jesus had sent the crowd away, he got into the boat and went to the vicinity of Magadan.

Matthew 15:29-39

For the last two or more years my fear has been being able to feed my children.  It then spilled over into other aspects of our lives.  Through our financial struggle I became untrusting of my Father.  I believed that He performed miracles, for others, not for me.  I believed that He had a plan but that for me it was lost. Stolen. I would not be able to get it back. His promises would never be fulfilled because, if they were, it would have already happened and alas....it had not.  There wasn't a job that would provide for us. Which meant losing more than one home, getting ulcers thinking about how I was going to be able to buy groceries, not having insurance for my kids for several years, the list goes on.  

Luckily, the Holy Spirit does NOT fear.  He knew all the time what was going on and He was always there.  I can honestly say that we have never gone hungry.  There have been nights where popcorn and a spoonful of peanut butter was made for dinner. But my kids never went to bed without supper.  We have lost 2 homes in the last 6 months but we always had another place to go. Troy has lost jobs but the money has always come. 

So why did I doubt? Why did I have such little faith? I guess because I am human.  I was most encouraged when I was in His Word.  When I relied on my own understanding I became fearful. So when this passage of scripture was presented to me last weekend I was encouraged by our situation. 

As of Saturday the last of the little bit of money we had left was gone.  A "love offering" was taken up unbeknownst to us and we received several hundred dollars (this happened on Saturday). Since then every single night I have made dinner I have always thought, "This does not look like enough" and every single night after cooking for 4 adults and 3 children (going through growth-spurts) there are left-overs. Troy not only has one job prospect but 2. He has the potential to get to CHOOSE which one he wants! 

I love that God reminds us of His provision and faithfulness in Scripture and then turns around and shows us in our lives. Over the last 5 days I have found myself starting to ask "What about...." (fill in the blank).  But I am quickly reminded that it is not my job to worry about the 'What ifs'. I am to just do what I am called to do.  What is that you ask? Well at this moment it is staying in the Word, prayer, being a wife, mother and daughter. 

I was also reminded that God has given me a gift.  A gift to encourage. So I humbly put my 'stuff' out there for you all.  Hopefully, you are encouraged today.