Life Changing

I had a moment of panic over the Thanksgiving holiday.  The Lord has called us to something HUGE!  I mean life changing, people may not understand, this is gonna cost a ton of money, HUGE! The thing is He called us in the middle of this foreclosure and transition time with jobs.  It makes no sense.  Well, at least not to us!

Over the last several months the Lord has broken our hearts for what breaks His. He has shown us the immoral acts against children in this world.  He has shown us the orphan that is not being cared for.  He has called Troy and I to do something about it.  At this moment we are looking into international adoption.  More so a really large country in Europe that I won't name at this time. He has put a beautiful little girl on our hearts that has an extra chromosome.  Because of this she is unwanted.  But the Lord reminds us that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. She is older, 6 to be exact.  She has never had a Mommy or Daddy.  Who knows if she has ever felt love. This is a large step of faith for us.  This is going to cost more money than Troy makes in a year.  So how can we do this?

As soon as we felt like this is where we should go I began researching.  Y'all let me just tell you the cost of the adoption is really  a ransom.  That is what I have come to understand.  There are fees every which way and they are at times ridiculous, but they are necessary to free her from a life without love and affection from parents and siblings. As I called agencies and talked to others about all of this I was immediately overwhelmed.  The reality set in that we would have to wait until our house situation was settled.  Surprisingly we make more than enough money to qualify for adoption in her country, we just need to have some things sorted out first to show stability.

She will have to wait.  She has been waiting for almost 7 years. My heart breaks.

I confronted my sweet husband with my sadness this past week.  I am sad because she may not still be there when we are ready.  She is waiting and we are just sitting here. Well, not really but it sure feels that way.  What to do? I blamed my sweet hubby for this all.  I said he didn't really want her and that is why we were at a stalemate. Then with love and tenderness he directed me to the real reason we were waiting.  It wasn't finances, it wasn't our house, it wasn't the car that only fits 5, it wasn't his job.  It was God that we were waiting for.  He had broken our hearts and had given us a face.  He just hasn't said "Go".

Each day I look at her picture.  Making sure she is still available.  She is. Hopefully for us but it could be for another reason.  This path is so uncertain to us that it can be completely overwhelming.  As I stated in my post yesterday; I am going to rely on the Lord because I just mess it all up when I try to fix it.  So if you think about it pray for us and the sweet little girl thousands of miles away without a Mommy and Daddy.